. frank he loo it doesn't pass the smell test. >> jon: it has a yucky smell. conspiracy number one. the f.b.i. held back the petraeus affair story to prevent obama from losing the election. why we tray us' affair would have had any impact on the election i'm not sure. the point is if only a republican had known about this prior to election day. >> house majority leader eric cantor said an f.b.i. employee told him in october about the petraeus affair. >> jon: oh. the real question is, why is eric cantor protecting the president? why? conspiracy one down. why would the administration want to take out petraeus now? >> this is highly sus spush us in its timing >> a few days before petraeus is set to testify about what he knew about benghazi and what the c.i.a. did it doesn't make sense >> so many people are saying that's kind of suspicious >> this is very suspicious e fact that he no longer will have to testify >> now he won't testify, folks. jon: right before he was about to testify on benghazi, conspiracy number two, now we'll never know what petraeus knew unless quitting is different from dyin

-mails. >> the f.b.i. has turned over 20,000 to 30,000 pages of documents found during the probe. many are e-mails between allen and kelley sent over the last two years. >> 30,000 pages of e-mails? i can understand that if stephen king and george r.r. martin were having an affair. (laughter) those are some prolific mother (bleep)ers. (laughter) but there's a fine line between seduction and spamming someone. (laughter) i don't think i've got than many e-mails ever and i was on the obama campaign mailing list. so okay the general, his biographer, his successor, and his former deputy have all been caught in big sexy time scandal. but that's it! revelation wise, where's the hunt? >> further complicating the case: officials say the f.b.i. agent who first launched the investigation, a friend of kelley's, is now himself is subject of an internal f.b.i. probe for suspected inappropriate behavior, including sending kelley shirtless photos of himself. (audience reacts) okay, two things. first what does this woman smell like? (laughter) is it a heady mixture of ambrosia and crack? (laughter) is she the

. and the second haughty and contacts her friend f.b.i. agent who launches an investigation but he sexed her a shirtless photo. >> meanwhile the spymaster's protege also a general have sent thousands of e-mails to the second woman. this is isn't a love triangle it's a love pentagon >> i got to say after that, it gets a little far-fetched. i mean, all of a sudden the second woman has an emotionally trouble identicaltw and both the spymaster write letters of support for her twin sister's custody battle with the ex. listen to the name they came up with for him. >> grayson wolf. >> we don't have a picture of him. just put up a visual approximation. that's right. it's not believable anymore. i think that the news has jumped the shark. and the most unbelievable part, they say that that the general down there that general over there, he is the top commander of our war in afghanistan. afghanistan, really? please. if our troops were still fighting in afghanistan don't think we'd be hearing about that on the news instead of all of this [bleep]. anyway, bottom line it's a soap opera, and it is done. we

, there was nothing to blackmail. the f.b.i. knew about this from the time they did a background check on general petraeus. >> jon: that's in the foible file. >> i haven't seen the file -- >> stephen: judge. >> having been the subject of a background check i know what they can find out. >> jon: when did you get a barque ground check. >> to go on the bench. >> jon: oh, i thought it was fox. ( laughter ) will you stick around for five minutes. "theodore and woodrow" is on the bookshelves now. judge andrew napolitano. ( cheers and applause ) p

, f.b.i. agent, who launches an investigation, but gets pulled off the case because he sexed her a shirtless photo. the spy mastery protege, also a general, has sent thousands of e-mails to the second woman. this isn't just a love triangle, information. it's a love pentagon. ( cheers and applause ). i gotta say-- i gotta say, after that, it gets a little farfetched. i mean, all of a sudden, the second woman hans emotionally troubled identical twin. and both the spy mast expert general write letters of support for the twin sister's custody battle with her econclusion? oh, and listen to the name they came up with for him? grayson wolf. jimmy, we don't have a picture of him yet, so just put up a visual approximation. that's right. ( cheers and applause ). folks, i have to say, it's just not believable anymore. ( laughter ) i-- i think the news has jumped the shark. and the most unbelievable parts, they say that-- that-- that the general down there, that general over there, he is the top commander of our war in afghanistan. afghanistan? really? ( laughter ) please. if our troops we

outlawed. >> jon: it reminded me of those shows i used to get, robert wagner is a thief and now the fbi will use him to learn the tricks of the thieving. roosevelt really said to kennedy you know how to do this, dow this. it did interesting to me that the man who created what you have to say is the most beloved liberal dynasty that has ever been created in this country was himself an avatar of all that that establishment seeks to abolish. >> he believed in capitalism. but he also believed that unrestrained, unrestricted capitalism was going to lead to disaster. he lived through the runnup to the great depression. he knew the stock market was out of control. he pulled his money out. and then he believed that unless something was done to reign in people like him, to reign in-- (laughter) i just would have loved to have been in that meeting. >> you don't get t i'm a bad guy. i've got to stop me. him in front of a mirror. >> he did stop him and he did stop him because he now that if the country continued in that way, if the depression got worse than capitalism would be threatened, democracy

, to everybody. the fbi-- black friday-- in >> tonight guns allowed on college campuses. now you really don't want too face the fightin irish. then i get snubbed by a major magazine. shocking. that there is still a major magazine. (laughter) >> plus my guest theoretical physicist sean carroll has a new book that i theoretically read. (laughter) nasa claims they found ice on mercury. well, i'll believe that when the closest planet to the sun freezes over. this is "the colbert report." captioning sponsored by comedy central (cheers and applause) >> stephen: welcome to the report! thank you for joining us! choo, choo, choo! hello! (cheers and applause) stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! stephen, stephen, stephen! >> thank you, ladies and gentlemen. you are the greatest! thank you very much. i got to tell you, when i get that kind of 4r06 from you folks i just want to go up into the stands and cradle you in my arms like a baby. (cheers and applause) folks you know me, you know my broadcasting ca roar has been dedicated to celebrating american except

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